as cozy as spring

Sunday Morning TMI

While I normally shy away from personal discussions of hygiene, I cannot resist publicly praising Amy's deodorant recipe.  I whipped a batch up because I'm stuck at home and happened to have the ingredients on hand (though I only used shea butter).  Not expecting much except the odd gritty feeling of baking soda under my arms, I was shocked, shocked I say, to discover that this is the best deodorant I have ever used.  And frankly friends, I live in Texas.  I'm a runner.  I'm a gardener.  I sweat is what I'm saying. So even though I'm currently attaining speeds of only .01 miles per day, limping is quite the workout.  My particular limping style is working stomach muscles I didn't even realize I had and my hip area should be quite firm when I get back to regular walking.

Anyway, back to the deodorant.  It was easy cheesy to stir up, only a tiny bit gritty, and while I haven't taken a survey, my own personal investigations into the matter always end with me saying, "Wow, I still smell good!"  

My father will be so proud upon discovering this entry.  Sorry Dad!

Part Two of 'I Just Broke My Toe'.

Thanks for the pity party, internet friends!  Y'all rock!

The rest of the story is that no doctor wanted to see me yesterday, even though I was literally crawling from place to place because any amount of pressure on my foot was excruciating.  At 6:00 exactly, as soon as all medical offices closed for the day, it became unbearable.  Enter my husband. 

After a cursory examination, he determined that my toe was probably broken and dislocated.  We could go to the emergency room or (the cheaper option) fly in my brother, who was trained to treat soldiers in Iraq, from California.  

"You have to do something." I whimpered.

After extensive research on the condition, including a Yahoo! Answers page and a You Tube video (there really is a You Tube video on relocating (?) a toe), he prepped the table for the procedure.

"Do you want something to bite on?", he asked.  Really he did.

"No, but I need a bucket and a cold rag.", I replied, for I throw up over any little thing.

Snap, crack, pop.  

"Well, that helped, but I don't think it's all the way in."

So he tried again.  

And again. 

The last attempt had me employing every natural-childbirth-pain-management technique I could recall.  

There didn't seem to be much improvement last night, but this morning I can walk and move my toe and it's not quite as crooked as it was yesterday.  Yay for my husband.  Yay for You Tube. 

I Just Broke My Toe

How annoying.  There is no doubt that it is broken, for it is overlapping my pinky toe right now.  The cause of all of this is my old fashioned (corded) phone.  I was sprinting down the hallway to grab the phone and took the corner too widely, smashing into my daughter's practice balance beam that sits in the hallway.  

And now I'm stuck BY that very same phone waiting for the nurse to call me back.  She said there's not much you can do for a broken toe but it's very very crooked.  My husband is very happy about the prospect of snapping it back into place tonight, should I call upon him to do it for me.  I'm not so happy about this.

Anyway, since I'm stuck here at my desk, I thought I'd share my sad tale with the internet and drum up some sympathy.  Pity me, pity me.  

I'll spare you a photo but only because my daughter was the last one to give me a pedicure.

External

Remember waaaay a big long time ago (does anyone else begin to talk like their children?) when I talked about losing weight?  Ha.  I eliminated about 20,000 different foods from my diet wishing I could be like one of those people who just eliminated soda and dropped 75 pounds - Unfortunately it seems I can maintain my ideal weight + 6 eating only popcorn - I lost about 4 pounds for all my efforts.  Really!  So I ran and ran and ran and ran.  And ate less and less and less and still.  Nothing, except fun muscles in my legs that had apparently gone on vacation for awhile.  So I kinda got sick of stepping on the scale seeing my ideal weight + 6 or so.  Then I took a little break which brings us to this morning.  I tried on my gauge shorts from 1996 - and they fit.  Sort of.  I didn't exactly get the top button entirely closed, but they are size 2s people, give me a break here!  I could theoretically wear them out with a long enough shirt.  Don't worry, I won't actually do it. 

What's the point to all of this?

Since becoming a mom I have had intense struggles with body image.  In my first year of motherhood I would flip through the pages of Parenting etc. looking at cute little moms with perfect hair and perfect bodies at the playground.  I was convinced in a very real way that my daughter would not love nor look up to me if I wasn't thin.  A few extra pounds caused some very serious problems for me.  I ended up losing it and being in the best shape of my life by my daughter's second birthday.  But I wasn't healthy.

I'm over that a little bit.  It bothers me now, but I don't obsess as much.  I can't, which is part of the reason why this baby weight has stuck around for longer.  I cannot allow myself to get as wrapped up in it as I used to.

Again, what's the point?

This morning I didn't feel particularly thin or good about myself until I tried those shorts on.  And if we were playing "Guess what number I am thinking of?" you can bet it would be ideal weight + 10.  The number on the scale and the number on that tag (2!) are almost sole determinate of how I feel about myself.  That's just a little bit sad.  But I don't know any other way to be.

I'm trying.  I try to think positively, thinking that my body has produced two healthy kids, that I am able to clean my home and care for my family, that I can run 6 miles now.  But I still want ideal weight + 0.  Or even - 10. 

We never, ever, use the words "fat" or "skinny" in our home.  We talk about healthy.  But I know I can't hide my preoccupation from my daughter entirely. 

No final thoughts.  Pressing save before I change my mind.

What a grump

I felt awful yesterday!  And I've been around for thirty years but I am rather slow about making connections.  For three weeks now, I have been "training" for a 10K.  Because I am an "athlete".  Anyway, the "training" has been remarkably successful and I am regularly running 5-7 miles at any given time (even when I'm tired!  And it's hot!). Then I complain about how tired I feel the next day.

I am also still eating a (largely) vegan diet.  I admit to sneaking a bit of cheese in from time to time and one entire pint of Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream Ice Cream(oh my goodness it was the best ice cream ever.)

So why in the world would I not be feeling all that great?  Because with all this added in, I completely stopped taking any of my vitamin supplements, most notably iron.  I am always amazed at how great I feel when I take iron supplements.  And inevitably I stop taking them a week or so later.

So if there's anyone out there feeling a bit lethargic lately, take a look at what may be missing from your diet.  It really does matter.

Daily Garden Photo:

               

The sneaky little guy built a chrysalis.  It has been amazing to watch.  He kind of curled up in the tear drop shape under one of my spinach leaves.  I'm so pleased we've finally been able to see development to this stage.  Here's a little activity the younger kids may enjoy.