as cozy as spring

Send Yarn

There's a little story behind this cardigan, the first I envisioned for our baby, but I don't think I can tell it here.  It involves so many years of disappointed conversations with my sister, the unexpected and profound depression that hit me in my first trimester, financial worries, and just fear overall.  Heavy stuff and I don't think I'm a tell-all kind of blogger.  I will say that I used the words "Send yarn" to tell my sister that I finally saw those two lines and she understood immediately, rejoiced with me, and complied.

From that yarn, this cardigan was made.  It's my own design and I've never been so pleased with a finished object.  I sort of made it up as I went after studying the words of Elizabeth Zimmerman for a year or so.  It's knit with Quince and Co. Chickadee in a number of different colors (all on my Ravelry page, I think).  

This was the last must-knit-before-baby on my list but I think she might need a matching hat, don't you?  You know, for those frosty Texas summers?

Oh P.S. - no book post today.  I'm having trouble committing to any book right now which is driving my husband nuts because it means I spend tired evenings on the couch wanting to have emotional conversations with him.  He's getting desperate and wishes my friendly readers would suggest something engaging because he really just wants to watch the baseball game in peace.

Sunday Sewing

I ordered the gown supplies.  Then I just looked at them for a day or two. I finally gathered my courage to cut into the fabric and try out the trims.  As much as I love the two pictured above, when stitched together, the whites (lace/fabric) are ever so slightly different and I can't make my peace with it.  I have another piece of beading which is much closer and I plan on hand stitching a cross in the center of the bodice instead.  Above the hem in the back center, I will also hand embroider her name or initials.  My hope is that the dress will be polished, if not elaborate.  

Cheryl (who I will just publicly praise again for being such a big help) recommended this shop and I heartily second the recommendation.  My supplies arrived quickly and were beautifully packaged with a handwritten note.  I'm in over my head with all of these terms and methods.  It's a completely different type of sewing for me, but I'm truly enjoying the process of learning it all.

ETA: I deleted a section of this that, in retrospect, felt the tiniest bit unkind to publish for all the world to see.  

30 Weeks

I had a 30 week scan this morning to measure... one thing or another.  I don't really care what the reason is, show me the baby!  I always search for the cuteness in ultrasound photos and always come away seeing little lizard babies. 

I'm still in awe that she is real. I was never formally diagnosed with infertility, but we did have what is referred to in the medical profession as a 'heckuva time' conceiving our last two children.  It's not anything I ever talked a lot about, even to family, because it's rather personal, don't you think?  It can be particularly trying for a Catholic woman because 1) she's surrounded by large families who sometimes assume she is less than open to life and 2) it can be difficult to work with a doctor who doesn't understand or respect the Church's teachings on, you know... things and stuff.  Clearly, I'm still not the type of person who can discuss these things easily.  I blame the fact that my dad reads my blog.  (Hi Daddy, move along now!)

This has all been in the news a lot lately and it is abundandly clear that there is a great need for these conversations to be had.  I'm so happy that there are women who aren't too squeamish to talk about it.  OK, so good posts on this topic:

Karen Edmisten is hosting a giveaway for The Infertility Companion for Catholics.  I so wish I had this book years ago!  

Karen also posted last week on contraception and parchment paper, which I erroneously thought might be some horrible craft project.  No worries, friends!  It's the first in what I hope will be a series of posts covering Church teachings on... things and stuff.

Love2Learn mom also posted recently on this topic with characteristic grace in two posts that I love:  Living Differently and a follow up here.  

 

A Little Nursery

We live in a smallish home meaning I have to be careful about what I bring into it, but it is also more than enough space for our smallish family.  This baby, however, will not be getting an entire room to herself.  Our other two children bunked with us for months, if not years, so I'm not at all concerned about it.

I did carve out a little corner for her.  Her new quilt hangs on the wall above the cradle that my father made to hold our babies.  The cradle is filling up with hand knits and hand-me-downs (and a handmade book just for her, written by her sister).  I moved my chair next to the cradle for feedings.  It is all very cozy and sweet and a little unrealistic.  The cradle will end up smooshed beside my bed for months for nighttime feedings.  The clothes should be sorted into a temporary dresser set while the baby stays in our room. And I dearly hope the quilt will be used outside on the grass this summer while we all enjoy the mornings in the garden (with coffee I hope!) before the days heat up too much.

Quilt notes: I fell in love with this fabric line when it came out last year, but I thought it was a little too little for my not so little children.  So I jumped at the chance to sew with it for my baby.  The blocks are mostly simple nine patch blocks with one oddball because that's how I do things.  I used 2.5 inch sashing between and really fussed trying to make it all straight and square.  I'm glad I spent the extra time with my seam ripper to make it as neat as I could.  Quilting was just casual meandering, but not too closely as I wanted to keep some softness and drape.

The punch line is that my not-so-little 11 year old daughter loves it and wants it for herself.  We shall see.  This was a joy to make and I have no problem sewing another quilt.  

Now I should probably start thinking about a car seat.  

Better

I didn't mean to leave my depressing, barfy post up for so long!  I'm a bit better now.  Friday found me attempting major housework and a bit of clean up in the garden.  Friday night found me sobbing on the end of my bed the second my husband walked in the door (because husbands love that sort of thing after a long week at work).  At that point, I had that 'I'm done being pregnant' moment - not so good when one is only 25 weeks along.  But then I remembered what friendly reader Grace had mentioned about reading a bit of St. Francis de Sales.  It doesn't matter that I couldn't find just the quote to which she referred, it's all good stuff.  This one in particular was just what I needed to read:

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow. The same loving Father who cares for you today will care for you tomorrow and everyday. Either he will shield you from suffering or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace then and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings.

So, take a deep breath and carry on.  I changed my diet, on the advice of my big-sister-who-knows-everything.  My morning sickness game plan was no longer working because it had morphed into reflux.  The symptoms were the same but the diet is very different and I'm so, so happy to say I haven't thrown up in about 5 days now.  My iron supplements are kicking in and I can function at a low, but passable, level.

This has actually been my happiest pregnancy.  I love knitting for the baby.  I love not worrying and wondering whether we'll be blessed with just.one.more.please?  I hadn't realized how much that weighed on my heart.  I love watching my children's faces as they feel the baby kick.  I love how happy they are about the situation - especially my son, who put "a baby" on every birthday and Christmas wish list for years. There are so many good things happening right now, but I've realized how hard it is to see all that when feeling bad physically. It has made me far more compassionate about dealing with illnesses of any kind. 

Anyway, thank you all for the prayers and comments and advice.  You never know how much you might help or inspire someone on the internet and I really appreciate the time you spend here saying hello (so sorry about the word verification, btw, I get so much spam without it!).

I'm going to plant myself on the couch and stitch the binding on this little baby quilt.  Happy Wednesday, friends!  

Six Months

I love early spring flowers. My daughter planted these grape hyacinths earlier this winter. They are so humble and tiny, just hanging out amongst the weeds.  There are several up now, right alongside my snowdrops but all of my photos are blurry because my big, fat, nauseated belly gets in the way of leaning over low enough to focus.  I had to just sort of hang my camera down there and hope for the best.

I'm six months today and still barfing.  This is not me complaining, just stating the facts.  Even my go-to food, pizza, is unreliable now.  I'm also super, super tired and suspect iron deficiency which is something I struggle with normally and far more so when pregnant. I always find meat sort of gross, but I find it extra special gross now.  Finding iron/protein rich foods that I can actually imagine eating has moved to the very top of the priority list.

This is bugging me because there's so much I want to do and just can't.  My list for one day gets stretched out to a week.  All that sewing I mentioned earlier this week?  No. I've stitched 3 blocks and can't even talk myself into cutting the rest of the fabric.  This sounds an awful lot like complaining and I'm really not trying to do that because I couldn't be happier about our little baby.  I just find the whole idea of the baby arriving via stork very appealing.

OK then!  Happy Wednesday!  I might not be back for the rest of the week.  I would like to do a Friday Book Post, but I haven't yet finished all the books I mentioned last week (see: tired) so it's sort of pointless.

Traditional Mabel Dress

Traditional Mabel Dress from Simple Knits for Cherished Babies

Knit on Knit Picks US 2 (one edge in US 1) with Rowan Purelife Organic Cotton 4 ply in 'Madder'

This might be my favorite knit ever.  It's such a great design and though I was very nervous about the finishing work, I took my time and my seams are fine.  Neat even.  Not perfect, but once I get a chubby little baby girl in that dress I don't think it will matter one bit.  Even my husband, who is largely indifferent to my daily knitting show and tell seemed impressed at the cuteness.

The pattern was well written (especially if one took the time to read the words correctly).  The picot edge was easy and super cute.  I wasn't sure this would be worth the time but in the end I'm thrilled with it.

I liked the yarn quite a bit.  It had almost a linen like feel to it - it felt rather earthy and pleasant to me.  It was a little splitty.  I learned to knit on an 8 ply cotton so splitty yarns never bother me much, but after frogging it was tricky to get all the plies neatly back on the needle.  I missed a few here and there.  I'm using Rowan Purelife Cotton in DK for my next baby dress.  

I hadn't planned on taking a Spring Break but my children doubled up on work last week so they could and after staying in bed (really and truly) until 10:45 this morning I'm very happy to take a week off.  I'm not usually phased by Daylight Savings Time but this year - wow!  On the calendar this week, I have a big stack of freshly washed fabric and have plans for baby quilts (and sitting around).

Tiny Dresses

I managed to sew a couple of baby dresses (and many bottoms) over the weekend.  This is my favorite style of dress for little girls because it is both easy to make and super easy to wear.  I couldn't find anything in standard pattern format, but there is this free and fabulous pattern at Sew Much Ado.  The pattern is lovely and the instructions are very clear.  This dress, sewn in a light lawn print (Regent Street something?  I think?), came together in under an hour.  

The baby bloomers were made from a Heather Ross template found on Martha Stewart.  This project was also super quick and easy.  Getting the template enlarged was a bit of a hassle as copy shops won't copy anything with the Martha Stewart copyright on it even though it says right there on the template enlarge by 250% (you can imagine the back and forth conversation my husband had with the Office Depot employee with me cursing into his ear via cellphone, "But it says right there on the template!!!").  So I traced the pattern onto a blank sheet of paper and took it to Staples.  The copy cost $2 which was far better than the (no lie) $25 Office Depot claimed it would cost if they could even do it, which they wouldn't.  Yay for Staples!  

Anyway... Back to the pattern.  The video that accompanies the template is easy to follow and once I got started, these came together very quickly.  The shirring was a bit of a pain - shirring was oddly much, much easier on my cheapo Singer sewing machine than my higher end Janome.

Yes, I have a growing pile of little Mass outfits all set to go. 

I don't think I'll be sewing much for this little one.  A quilt or two, perhaps, but sewing just isn't my favorite way to spend the afternoon.  Needles break, thread jams, the machine makes that terrifying grinding sound.  

Knitting on the other hand?  That's a whole 'nother story.  One that is becoming almost humiliating.  I mean how many handknits does a summer baby - born in Texas - really need?   The more pertinent question is how many more weeks of pregnancy do I have left.  Many.  Back to my knitting.

You never know.

The early days of this pregnancy were miserable.  I was sick (which I've covered), there would be some issue with the baby (because I'm of advanced maternal age now), and because my insurance policy at the time covered 0 (zero!) maternity costs.  Things are better now but at the time I had a long, long list of concerns. 

Shortly after the first sonogram, my son brought the picture to me and asked, "Mama, this looks like a black baby.  Are we having a black baby?"

Without missing a beat, I launched into a speech.  "I haven't even thought of that, sweetie.  Maybe I can ask the doctor if she can tell.  God will give us the baby we are supposed to have.  You just never... know... for sure?"

And then my brain caught up to my mouth and I realized that even though there was this long list of things I did not control, ethnicity was one I did.  

I can pretty much guarantee, even without any prenatal testing, that I am not having a black baby.  Or a blonde baby, for that matter.  

Because there are some things you really do know.

A Sister

It's a girl!

We had a sonogram last Thursday.  My husband and I are enthusiastic about finding out what sort of baby we are expecting.  So much so that we can't even have a balanced conversation about it - or any conversation at all.  It starts out with me trying to play the other side and ends two seconds later.  We want to know as soon as possible.

My daughter is thrilled.  My son is too.  Though my husband claims he didn't care one way or the other, I was definitely hoping for a sister for my children.  Not because I favor girls over boys - anyone who has seen me with my son will assure you that that is not the case.  It's just that I can't imagine life without my two sisters, my best friends.  Now that I write that though, I realize my brothers are my best friends too.  I can't talk to any of them on the phone right now because they make me laugh so hard I throw up.  The only thing I know for sure is that I'm glad I don't have a say in the matter.  I'm so, so grateful for this third child.